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7 August 2004
The past few days have been really bad for me...I've been unable to get Bo out of my mind. I had a horrible dream the other night... I was in the room when Bo was sent to the Bridge, and I had to keep watching it over and over. He fought it, and fought it hard. I still get nauseous thinking about it, and I don't know where the dream came from. All I know is that I thought of him at the beginning of this week, and asked him to let me know that he was still okay. Suddenly I'm weeping at the sight of his muzzle hanging on the wall and dreaming about him thrashing on the vet office floor.
I still have moments where I can almost convince myself that it was all just a dream or some kind of horrible mistake, and he's going to be out in the yard when I open the door. Or that the vet will call and say that he's been there all along, and could we please come pick him up?
Maybe it's related to my anxiety about Liz. I worry so much about her. Every time she has trouble getting up off the floor or stumbles while she's walking my heart stops. Every morning when we get up and she takes an extra few minutes to snooze it's all I can do not to run over there and scoop her up just to make sure she's still breathing.
I love my dogs, and I wouldn't take back one moment I've had with them...and Bo, if you're listening...I love you, Baby Bo Bo and I'm so sorry I wasn't with you at the vet's that day...I miss you incredibly, and would do anything to be able to kiss your nose and bury my face in the fur behind your ears.
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